does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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