we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
