I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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