I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
