I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize
