So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
