The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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