Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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