If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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