It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Come on in and take your pants off
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