ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
