alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You were trust falling into bushes
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
