carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
that's an acceptable place to lick
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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