My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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