I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
