i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
