I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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