i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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