Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Such a big mess for such a small penis
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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