Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
