That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
