well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You're like the curious george of whores
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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