You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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