somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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