omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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