Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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