She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
