I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
