And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
