I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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