I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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