Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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