I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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