i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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