You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You ruined the universe
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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