guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
