i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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