The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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