I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
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