I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
we're making bets on your personal life
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
