I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize