Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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