Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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