I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
