All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
foreskin is a definite game changer
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
