WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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