Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
