I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
