You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
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