Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
So. Much. Porn.
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