I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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