operation harelip BJ is a go
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize