OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Where did you get a picture of my penis
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
