You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
