ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
