I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
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