for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
