What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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