She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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