Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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