where does the pee come out of this thing
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
