just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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