apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
