If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
