I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
