She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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