You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
