we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Randomize
