i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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