I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
