i wish starbucks made bloody marys
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I had to cum in my sink.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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