Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
