she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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