You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
