Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize