I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
