can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
