this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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