I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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