two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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