They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
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