just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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