I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
