I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Your mouth is God's brothel.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I just gargled with NyQuil
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
